The Evolution of Friendships

Over the course of our lives, we meet so many people. What makes us choose some of them to be our friends, leave others to simply be acquaintances? What makes us feel connected to a chosen few and not necessarily as close to others? I have been exploring this topic in my mind lately and I felt like I just had to get some of my thoughts down. People get so upset sometimes when friendships change. I admit, I have had my share of days in which I get frustrated when things seem different or strained. I have felt guilty when I find myself miserable and restless in the company of old friends who I used to be able to sit with for hours. However, I am realizing that like everything else - friendships evolve and change and that is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes we take short breaks from certain friendships or grow closer to people who used to just be acquaintances because as our lives change we find we have more in common with them. A couple of years ago, I got divorced after a very short marriage - I mean celebrity short! -- and although the experience was often stressful, frustrating and upsetting, it was also an incredible personal learning experience. As my separation and divorce were happening, there were people I thought would be supportive and caring who acted just the opposite. At the same time, I was incredibly impressed by the love and support that I received from other friends and some unexpected. I have a large group of female friends -- some I've been close to since high school, some I met as an undergraduate, a few from graduate school and several from other life experiences (work, friends of friends, etc.). I love them all and I always enjoy spending time with them. However, my oldest friends are no longer the ones that always know everything about me. They weren't necessarily the ones that stuck with me through my divorce and they aren't always the ones I call first with good or bad news. That isn't a bad thing or a criticism, just a reality. Instead, my closest friends - the ones that I share the most with and always find a way to make time for -- are from a variety of life experiences: my best friends from my time as an undergraduate, the women I met while working at a Women's Center, a few women I've met along my way and my closest friends from graduate school. I don't expect my friends to always agree with my decisions, but I have learned that I have every right to expect that they will share their concerns and ultimately respect me and support me. I don't expect them to like all of the people I have ever dated or enjoy the company of all of my other friends but I have the right to expect that they will respect my relationships. I do not expect us to always be able to continue weekly drinks or girlie dinner dates but I can expect that when it matter most that true friends will do their very best to be there. I love my girlfriends -- they are incredibly important to me. I don't always like the decisions they make, the men they marry, the schedules they work -- I don't always agree with their political beliefs or religious views. I think that what makes friendships work is to be able to debate with respect, share your feelings or concerns and still be friends, be each other's best cheerleader, and support each other when it matters. Life experiences make you grateful for the people who stick by you and who have shaped your life. I wouldn't be who I am without my girls - those I am not quite as close to anymore and those that support me every single day. Thanks for reading and letting me getting these chaotic thoughts out.