Embracing "work in progress" status...

Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about accomplishments and failures, about successes and mistakes - I've been evaluating who decides when something is completed or if something is really ever over. Are we constantly a work in progress? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I had lunch a few weeks ago with an acquaintance who told me that she has always admired me. She said that I always have thing so put together, seem so sure of myself and that I am always upbeat and inviting. While I was flattered by her analysis, I was privately congratulating my own acting ability. I don't feel like I have it all together at all and I am sometimes afraid that it will become obvious. In many ways I do have a lot going for me. I have great friends and family, I have an amazing relationship, I am well-educated, I am passionate about teaching and although I don't love my full time job it pays the bills. In some ways though I am a bit of a mess. I work way too many hours, I don't write enough (see dates of previous blogs to prove that point!), I could stand to lose a few pounds and I regularly question what direction my career is headed. When I try to see myself through the eyes of my acquaintance, I am pretty damn great. However, when I lose focus or focus too much on the negatives, I quickly start to wonder why I haven't found more direction. I could spend a few more hours a week away from work and on the exercise bike. I could force myself to write several times more a week -- though forced writing doesn't seem the way to go to feel enriched creatively. I could throw caution to the wind and quit my job and choose instead to just teach but I wouldn't make enough money to pay the bills which would add a whole new component of stress. So many questions....but addressing them and figuring out which are important is part of the learning process and growth. What I have decided to embrace as a result of all of this thinking is the fact that I am a work in progress and that I am ok with that fact. Sure, I may occasionally wish that I could have it all figured out (particularly related to career goals) but overall I love that change is always possible. My true friends and family, my fabulous boyfriend - they aren't going anywhere -- and the things that I love likely won't change but I love the possibility that my career path is growing and that I can still explore new challenges and try new things. I'd love to lose the ten pounds but aside from that, work in progress status works for me right now and I'll continue to try to be the best me as I figure everything else out.